A report from the Brookings Institution recently had NHTI ranked as the No. 1 “value-added” school in the country, which is great news for all the dedicated students currently getting an education at the Tech. The Brookings Institution is a national think tank, which is the coolest non-military kind of tank to be, barely ahead of shark and way ahead of drunk.
Since you probably don’t have access to the full Brookings report itself, we figured we’d highlight some of the things that add so much value to the education one can receive at NHTI.
∎ Gelato bar in every classroom.
∎ Charging stations throughout campus for students to charge the batteries in their brains.
∎ Pass/Fail classes replaced with Pass/Pass classes.
∎ Recently constructed Student Nap Center.
∎ Personal masseuse assigned to everyone enrolled.
∎ Wonka-style chocolate river flowing through lower level of every dorm.
∎ Addition of prestigious Bachelor of Procrastination degree.
∎ Student to hot tub ratio of 1:1.
∎ Free NHTI T-shirt with purchase of one (1) tuition at full price.
∎ Home of the nation’s first Beerpongitorium.
∎ Switch to innovative reality TV-based curriculum.
∎ Option to pay campus parking fines in IOUs.
∎ Chuck Norris, dean of students.