Dear Casper and Bill,
I'm somewhat of an amateur thespian. I've been developing my acting skills in community theater. At the same time, I've been developing a crush on one of my female co-stars. In our next play, she has a kissing scene – with someone else! Now every rehearsal I have to see my crush lock lips with some other dude! Should I quit acting? Tell her I love her? Poison the male lead and take over his role?
Dear Overheated Lothario,
Poison is a good idea, but since you are an amateur thespian, you would probably get caught and never lock lips with her. So this is what you should do. You poison yourself and leave the others alone. No more pain for you, and no one but you gets hurt.
By the way, we know who you are. We just directed 'The Pretty Good Talent Show' where we live and have noticed three of our senior players skipping out of some rehearsals to “lock lips.” “Bubba” always leaves wearing lipstick but has none on when she returns. Prof. Frank Furter's hair is always messed up and Capt'n Schnapps always looks angry when he swigs his rum. If someone gets poisoned we know who the suspect will be.
We also have friends in the Community Players of Concord. They're a very wild, funny group of sexy thespians always kissing everyone and breathing heavily on the set. Casper and I know who the floozies and hot-blooded actors are who are always looking out for a locked lip opportunity. They have no shame! Get the poison. Break a leg!
