Dear Casper and Bill,
I met the most wonderful woman. She’s smart, funny and we have a ton in common. The only problem is: I’ve never met her in person. We have been chatting online almost daily for three years now, but I’m too afraid to meet her in person. What if she’s not attracted to me? What if I’m not attracted to her? She wants to meet and I can’t keep putting it off, but I don’t want to ruin the good thing we already have. Help!
Dear Dreamer,
Get real, wake up, knock it off. Who are you kidding with this three-year connection of someone you have never seen? You can be sure that she is thinking the same about you. Three years of “romance” online with no pictures? Time to give it up and start real dating with honesty and a face to look at in front of you and a martini. I had a friend in a similar situation years ago, and after many calls, when the time arrived to meet, my friend opened the door what do you think he saw? A beauty? A hunk? The man of his dreams? None of the above. What he saw was a 300-pound sumo wrestler. That was not what all the calls and the romantic voice led him to believe. It was not a good evening for either of them. Get the hint? Something’s afoot here. In the three years with a “ton in common,” you both have been in denial and wasted your time. You have not been honest with each other, unless you both like
300-pound sumo types. Change your e-mail address or meet someplace and get it over with.
Dear Bill and Casper,
Every day, my husband goes into his office and closes his door for an hour at a time. I suspect he may be addicted to porn. When he comes to bed at night, it seems like he has already been satisfied. I don’t want to snoop, but I don’t know how to bring this up in a tactful way. Any advice?
Dear In Denial,
Time for a marriage counselor or to play detective. We think playing detective is more fun. Did you see the movie “Psycho” and the shower scene with poor Janet Leigh about to leave this world? Well, all you have to do is to bore a small hole through the wall opposite the computer with the source of the suspected porn. See what is attracting all his time and leaving him going to bed with a smile on his face. We’re pretty sure he’s not watching “Sesame Street.”
Do not forget to cover the peek hole, just as Tony Perkins did at the Bates Motel.
When you solve your mystery, why not rent that movie? Have your hubby sit with you, and when the horror scene begins be sure to mention what a clever way that is to get rid of someone who cheats. He may begin taking cold and fast showers instead of hiding in that room for an hour!
