Dear Bill and Casper,
I’d like to make my spouse a romantic dinner, but Italian is out of the question (my wife hates garlic). What do you suggest? And what’s your favorite kind of wine?
Dear Romeo,
Here are four steps to success:
1. Create an atmosphere – a dozen roses, plenty of candles, soft lights, mood music and Martini’s.
2. Cure her: Schedule a visit for her to see the famous Italian food-ologist Dr. O. Regano to cure your sweetie from her garlic phobia. He has a 100 perfect cure rate; we once hated canned Dutch pickled herring, but now enjoy it seven days a week.
3. The Action: Go back to Step 1 and enjoy “A Taste of Italy” abbondanza dinner; think of CC Tomatoes takeout and don’t forget to add a straw-covered bottle of Chianti.
4. The Finale: You’ll have a night to remember. Ain’t love grand? Ciao!
Oh, before we forget, our favorite wine is any bottle from any country as long as it is on sale and has a cork or a screw-top.
Dear Bill and Casper,
My husband and I recently got into running. He bought us matching track suits but I think they’re ugly. Really ugly. The problem is, he’s very fashion sensitive. How can I tell him I don’t want to wear his hideous gift without crushing him?
Dear Wannabe Fashionista:
How boring! Get ye to the Ye Old Craft Shoppe, buy lots of silver and gold glitter, throw caution to the wind and sprinkle the glitter everywhere on your suit. Seal with a can of spray glue, and for additional pizzazz, trim the suit with sequins and gold lame; think drag queen from La Cage aux Folles. Be a free spirit and run like the wind. One note of caution: hide this fabulous concoction from your handsome husband . . . one never knows! Oh, and we also have an exclusive design for that special man in your life: just use more glitter and sequins!
