The men behind ball & chain
If these faces look familiar, it’s because they are: For three years, Casper Kranenburg and Bill Twibill (along with three other wise souls) gave us advice in The Insider’s “Ask The Elders” panel.
One thing you might not have known about Bill and Casper is that they’ve been partners for nearly 30 years. In this new column, they’ll answer Concord’s questions about relationships.
Dear Casper and Bill,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year – long enough for me to know when he’s not listening to me. Sometimes, when we’re talking, he goes through the motions to make me think he’s engaged (nods his head, says yes), but his eyes tell me he’s checked out. How can I make sure he’s paying attention to me?
Nothing is worse than being a slave to an i-complex: i-Phone, i-Pad, i-Pod – all except IHOP, of course (mmm, pancakes). Hide all these techno gizmos and draw his attention to you.
Begin with carrying a huge Victoria’s Secret shopping bag with a pair of black fishnet stockings dangling out of the bag. Tell him that there is a gift inside for him, where he will find a gift certificate to Thorne’s on Main Street, or Victoria’s Secret (or both)! This might get your message across that being in love and sharing that love is a two way affair.
If all this fails, dump him.
Dear Casper and Bill,
My in-laws are driving me bananas – they’re rude, pushy and intrusive. How do you suggest dealing with a significant other’s parents, who, on their best days, can be described as nothing short of “challenging”?
First, the “Help me, Doctor” response: Now is the time to put out all the stop signs for these overly involved in-laws. Set your boundaries now: Your in-laws have become too manipulative, bossy and judgmental.
The next time you see them, firmly state that this occasion does not include them because you made other plans.
Know that your partner may be reluctant to be disloyal to their family; you have to be very clear and he or she must support you.
Change will not be easy, and your in-laws may get angry. Be persistent – you are trying to maintain a relationship that should be comfortable for all.
If that doesn’t work, next time marry an orphan.
You can also share our favorite in-law jokes with them. They’ll get the message:
– Adam and Eve were the luckiest couple in the world – neither one had in-laws!
– What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are wanted!
– What is the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your in-laws backing off a cliff in a new Mercedes.
– The doorbell rang this morning and there were my in-laws on the front steps. They said, “Can we stay here for a few days?” I said, “Sure you can,” and shut the door in their faces.
Share these and they’ll get the message!
(In need of some relationship advice? Bill and Casper are your men. Send questions to news@theconcordinsider.com. Please be sure to include “Ball & Chain” in the subject line of your e-mail.)
