Dear Bill and Casper,
I am a male teenager who recently realized he is into guys. I’ve come out to a few of my friends, who are totally cool with it. The thing is, I’m worried about bringing it up to my parents. They’re pretty open-minded people, but are pretty prudish when it comes to talking about sex. We haven’t even had the birds-and-the-bees talk yet. How can I bring this up with them?
Dear We’ve-been-there,
As for your family, please trust us: Mothers always know, and your father probably has some thoughts about you as well. It will take you and maybe some of your friends to start the process of telling them. Please rent the award-winning movie For The Bible Tells Me So, which deals with this subject. You may also want to contact the social and support group “Concord Outright” on Facebook for more helpful information.
Most of us have gone through this difficult situation and are here to support you; please do not deny yourself of having full, open life.
Dear Bill and Casper,
I’m in fourth grade and have a huge crush on Justin Bieber, the pop singer. I know the chances of meeting him are, like, a zillion to 1, but I really think that if we met, he’d fall in love with me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. Did you ever have a crush on someone so bad it hurt? Will the pain ever go away?
Dear Lovelorn,
We are sorry to burst your love bubble, but we have to inform you that cute and adorable Justin is an Android. Yep, he has all tech innards.
That perfect hair is all fiber optic wires connected to his android heart, which is filled with thousands of MP3 downloads. Even his bum is made from two tennis balls, each with inpidual controls. His perfect teeth are made from ivory piano keys. He is disassembled, recharged and polished every night by the CSI team. We’re sorry to spring this on you; next time go for the real thing: G.I. Joe, Ken or our favorite, Mr. Potato Head. Good luck, sweetie.