Imagine a first date where there's very little awkwardness, the location for dinner and the movie is completely at your discretion and there's no question that you'll get along splendidly with your date. In fact, even though it may be a first date, you already know this person quite well.
I'm proposing that this Valentine's Day, your dream date is yourself. This can be in lieu of a date with another human being or in addition to one. I don't care. Heck, it doesn't even have to be this Valentine's Day – you can really date yourself at any time. It's not like you're going to lose touch with yourself.
Not everyone is lucky enough to be with someone this time of year, but that doesn't mean you have to sit at home alone when all your friends and family have made other plans. I'm aware that several of you out there already have the chutzpah to see concerts alone, visit museums alone and wine and dine yourself alone. I commend you. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who dread spending time in public by themselves, and no matter how badly they want to see that cheesy movie that none of their friends want to see, they would rather wait until it comes out on video instead of muttering the words, ” 'High School Musical 3,' for one, please.”
It doesn't have to be this way, and I wanted to prove it. So, last Wednesday, I took myself on a traditional date – dinner and a movie. Spending time alone doesn't typically bother me much, but I had never done either of these activities solo. Admittedly, like I would be before a real first date, I was a little nervous. I put a little extra effort in my appearance that day and spent most of my morning at work mentally prepping myself for the big date. I even checked my teeth to make sure my lunch wasn't wedged between any of them.
I left work for a 1:40 p.m. movie at Regal (Hoyts) Cinema, 282 Loudon Road. Which brings me to self-dating benefit numero uno.
You can work around your own schedule.
I know 1:40 p.m. isn't a typical “date” time, but the movie I wanted to see only had a 1:40 p.m. showing and a 7:50 p.m. showing. I was positive I wanted to do dinner after the movie, so I wouldn't be rushed. I like leisurely dining. Also, I already had plans for the weekend, so I had to wedge myself in on a weeknight.
I arrived at Regal and quickly got over my first self-dating fear. ” 'Bride Wars' for one, please,” I said to the woman behind the counter. I don't know if I was thinking she was going to look at me like I had two heads (in that case, would it be ” 'Bride Wars' for two?”) or would say loudly, for all those passing by to hear, “Okay, you poor, lonely being. That will be $6.25, please.” I was pleasantly surprised when she swiped my credit card, handed me the ticket with a smile and said, “That will be to your left.” I exhaled and escorted myself to theater five. I was ready to watch me some chick flick, because you know what?
You can do what you really want to do.
I've been wanting to see “Bride Wars” since I started seeing previews for it during “Sex and the City” reruns. Most of my friends don't live in the area, so it can be difficult to make impromptu plans with them. Also, even though I wanted to see the movie, I didn't want to see it badly enough to start surveying which of my friends I could drag with me. I figured I could wait for the rental, because I knew there was absolutely no way my boyfriend, Rob, would see it with me either. When I found out I would be dating myself for The Insider, though, I knew it would be the perfect opportunity to see what crazy antics Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway were up to.
I told Rob about my plans to see “Bride Wars,” and he responded with, “Oh, you mean that awful terrible movie that we keep seeing previews for?”
Case in point.
I know that if I begged Rob and offered to pay for him and a large popcorn, he would have gone out of his undying love for me, but I didn't want to force him to go see something he wasn't interested in. He already lets me control the TV remote most of the time, so I didn't want to push it.
I walked into the movie and immediately noticed I had my pick of seats – the theater was almost entirely empty, besides two girls sitting in the back. I sat down and put my purse on the seat to the left of me and my jacket to the right. I was digging the extra space I had.
Halfway through the previews, an older woman walked in and sat in the row in front of me. “Ah, another self-dater,” I though to myself, but then a few moments later an older gentlemen walked in and sat in the same row. I can only assume he was her husband.
So, there I was in a theater with two friends and a couple, and the thing was, I didn't feel the least bit awkward about it. I was aware that I may stick out like a sore thumb as the only person in the theater alone, but I didn't hear any whispers behind my back or feel anyone eying me suspiciously. I made myself comfortable and was ready to enjoy the show.
And enjoy the show I did. I found myself laughing at numerous points of the movie and on the verge of tears during the sappy parts. When it was over, I didn't have to turn to Rob and apologize for dragging him to another chick flick or listen to a friend complain about how she thought Anne Hathaway's wedding dress was ugly. (The lady sitting in front of me took care of that by having a running commentary throughout the entire movie.) It's nice to discuss a movie with others, but this light and airy romantic comedy didn't really require a deep discussion about character development or symbolism. Being there alone, to me, was just as enjoyable as going with someone else – if not more so.
When I got out of the movie, it was only 3:30 p.m., so I stopped by Borders, 76 Fort Eddy Road, to kill some time before dinner. I wasn't hungry yet, so guess what? I didn't have to eat. I was really starting to like dating myself.
I eventually made my way over to the Common Man Restaurant, 25 Water St., with plans to sit in the restaurant's upstairs lounge. Here, I met Katie outside, because she wanted to take a photo of me sitting at the table. This is when I discovered another benefit.
There’s no one around to judge your weird behavior.
Katie was able to stop by on my date with myself and snap a quick photo before leaving. I imagine on a date with another person, this would have looked really strange. I often prefer that my dates are paparazzi free. On that note, I also prefer that when I'm on a date, Katie doesn't stop by. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending eight hours a day with Katie, Monday through Friday, but I don't find it necessary for her to sit between Rob and me during a romantic dinner.
After Katie left, I went over to get myself a heaping plate of the Common Man's complimentary cheese and crackers. I felt another benefit coming on.
You can eat as much as you want and whatever you want.
Some of us (thankfully, not all) women do this weird thing on first dates where we just order a salad and a glass of water. I know, it's silly. I believe we do this for two reasons: 1.) We want to impress our date with how healthy and dainty we are and 2.) We don't want to order anything too expensive, in the event the man offers to pay. I didn't have to worry about this. In all actuality, I don't worry about this ever. Rob and I have been together for almost four years, so we're at that magical point of the relationship where I can order fried chicken and lovingly reach over halfway through dinner to cut off a piece of his steak for myself. Ah, romance.
For the entrée, I followed the same principle and ordered the “uncommon cheeseburger” – a burger with pimento blue cheese spread. I debated about ordering something with extra garlic and onions, just because I could, but the burger was calling my name.
The burger was only $7.99, but I wouldn’t have felt at all bad about spending more, seeing as I was the one picking up the check at the end of the night. While I ate, I read the book I brought with me – another behavior which probably wouldn’t be acceptable on a first date. I found this to be pretty enjoyable, and was only interrupted when my waitress came over to ask me if I wanted more water for my tea. “Sure!” I would say. It’s not as if I was in a hurry. For a moment, I did feel that the waitress was only offering me extra hot water out of pity since I was all by my lonesome, but then I told myself to snap out of it. She was only doing her job and didn’t think I was a loser. That I know of, anyway.
I eventually experienced the first con of going out alone – as the bar area got louder, I couldn’t focus as much on reading and therefore began to get bored. I scanned the room and noticed all of the people in conversations, laughing and having a good time. I suddenly became very self-aware. I didn’t think anyone was looking at me oddly because I was alone, as they were all too busy having a good time to notice me. Shortly after this, I asked for my check and I was back to noticing the benefits of self-dating.
There’s no awkwardness surrounding the check.
You know exactly what I’m talking about. On a first date, the check is brought and all of a sudden you’re unsure what to do. The man typically grabs the check before I can even think of reaching for it, so then I’m left slowly grabbing my wallet, waiting for him to say, “It’s on me,” or “Well, your dinner was $10.99, so . . .”
However, there are times when no one grabs the check immediately because you’re still in conversation. This should be a sign that the date is going well, but the whole time I’m sitting there thinking, “Is he waiting for me to grab it? If I grab it, will he think I want to leave? Will he think I’m not listening to what he’s saying?” What a headache. Self-dating means there’s none of that. You pay for what you got, and that’s it. End of story.
I bundled myself up to bear the cold weather and got in my car to head home. I admittedly had a pretty good time with myself, even though I was starting to feel a little lonely at the end of it. I would take myself out again, but maybe somewhere that I could join in conversation with another self-dater when I started to feel the urge to talk. The movie was nice, because the entire time I was too distracted by the plotline to notice I was alone. However, during dinner, it would have been nice to engage in some sort of discussion.
Mostly, I was just proud of myself for surviving the date and having a better time than expected. It’s a good feeling to know that I don’t have to rely on others to have a good time. My suggestion is if you haven’t self-dated yet, to try it. If you want, take it slowly at first. Maybe just a lunch date or a walk through an art gallery after work. When dating another person, you wouldn’t want to do something too outside of your comfort zone, so why wouldn’t you treat yourself the same way?
Dating is all about baby steps. Oh, and it’s also about eating a lot of complimentary cheese and crackers. You know, when the occasion calls for it, of course.
