Dear Ball and Chain,
For weeks, I suspected that my girlfriend was going through my cell phone when I wasn't paying attention, no doubt checking pictures and text messages for any signs of straying on my part. Our relationship seems solid to me, but I let my frustration get the best of me and planted some pictures of another woman in my phone, hoping to bust my girlfriend for snooping. Well, it worked - sort of. She found the pictures, but now she doesn't believe me when I tell her I planted them there on purpose. What have I gotten myself into?
Dear We Don't Believe You Either,
First of all, your so-called girlfriend is not ever going to be the love of your life. The idea of her not trusting you (more on that later) is not the way to "live happily ever after." She probably had her reasons for snooping on your cell; perhaps a broken date, a hickey on your neck or a stray earring she found in your car that was not hers, so now you wear it because you're so kewl, man. We hope it's a simple diamond and not a gaudy drag queen extravaganza.
Now, to that "other woman." What kind of harlot would pose for you and what kind of man are you to have the gall to put her on your phone? We're sure "the other woman" doesn't know - or perhaps the Jezebel does. Your girlfriend did the wrong thing, but she now has the advantage over you to come clean and tell the truth about that "other woman." So, to your soon-to-be ex-love, we say: get out of this tryst, stop being so nosy, put on some lipstick, pour yourself a drink and pull yourself together, girl!