On a recent dark and stormy night, we Insiders were imbibing at a local tavern after a hard day’s work.
After several rounds of Sambuka (no ice, three beans – the same way Grammy used to drink it), we got to wondering what it would be like to stand behind the bar.
We were sure it would be a tough job, what with remembering how to make a whole bunch of fancy drinks on command, listening to Joe Schmo complain about his cantankerous wife night after night, and having to stay sober while a bar full of frat boys screams, “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” after every beer you serve up.
But we also thought it would be fun. Few other professions allow for getting to know your patrons so intimately, and there probably aren’t many dull moments when you’re a bartender. Plus, how awesome would it be not having to start the workday at 8 a.m.?
To get these and other burning questions (i.e. “Is waving my glass in the air really the best way to get a bartender’s attention?”) answered, we set out to a few of our favorite Concord bars to ask the experts.
Here’s a bit of the wisdom they shared with us:
Corey Garland
The Barley House
How long have you worked at the B-house?
On and off for 10 years. I’ve dated other bars until I realized this is “the one.”
What’s your least favorite drink to make?
Margaritas. As a young bartender, I accidentally put soda water in one instead of sour mix and the patron literally spit it out and said, “What is that!?” I am now petrified of making them.
Best pickup line you’ve overheard:
“Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” Enough to break the ice.” I’ve actually never heard anyone use it (except me), but it’s a goody.
How do you cut a person off gracefully?
Run their credit card, pull them aside and tell them politely they won’t be having any more tonight, offer them a cab and make sure they leave in it or safely with a friend.
In a crowded bar, how should someone get your attention?
Smile and make eye contact.
Most ridiculous thing you’ve seen or heard while working:
When one girl wasn’t allowed to come in because she didn’t have an I.D. I believe she said, “Do you know who my father is?!”
How do you feel about PBR?
Anything that popular without a lick of promoting is pretty impressive. But it just doesn’t have the “superior drinkability” I look for in a beer.
What’s the juiciest secret someone has confided in you after a few?
Someone once told me they had recently “socialized horizontally” with “that girl at the end of the bar” who was my current girl friend. Sigh.
What do you look for in a bartender when you hit the town?
Someone funny and entertaining.
Stacy Hamel
Pit Road Lounge
What do you drink at home?
Bud Select 55, Bacardi Razz and Sprite with a splash of cranberry.
What’s your least favorite drink to make?
It’s actually a shot called “B-52,” because of the layering. I always tell my customers, “I don’t layer.” They’re usually fine with that.
Best pickup line you’ve overheard:
“You can stay at my place. My wife is in Florida, and she says I can do what I want.”
Or, this one that was used on me:
Customer: “Are you married?”
Me: “Yes I am.”
Customer: “Happily?”
What’s proper tipping etiquette?
At least a dollar per beer/drink/shot if paying with cash. For tabs, 15 percent is good, but 20 percent is better.
In a crowded bar, how should someone get your attention?
Not by banging on the bar or yelling, “Hey honey!” A simple hand-raise (especially with money in hand) tells me you need a drink.
Most ridiculous thing you’ve seen or heard while working:
Men dancing on our stripper pole. Cracks me up every time!
How do you feel about PBR?
Indifferent. Unfortunately, we don’t carry it.
Your least favorite type of patron?
Cheap, drunk and obnoxious.
What’s the juiciest secret someone has confided in you after a few?
Oh my, too many to disclose without losing our customers and friends.
What do you look for in a bartender when you hit the town?
Friendly greeting when approaching the bar, eye contact, acknowledgment that I’m there, even if they’re busy.
Scott Hopkins
Hermanos
What do you like most about your job?
The best part about working at Hermanos, and one of the biggest reasons I’ve stuck with it so long, is our clientele. I see so many wonderful people each week, many of whom I count as friends.
What do you drink at home?
If I’m treating myself (or entertaining), I’ll pour a glass of imported Belgian ale, accompanied by a shot of top- shelf tequila, served neat.
What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve seen or heard while working?
Walking into work one day to find Bruce (one of the owners) calmly talking to a longtime downtown “character” named David, who was clad only in an American flag, wrapped around him like a diaper.
How do you cut a person off gracefully?
I gently explain that I am no longer comfortable serving them anything more to drink. Very rarely is it ever a problem.
In a crowded bar, what’s the best way to get your attention?
Wait patiently, and when I look your way, smile. Impatience, waving hands, and snapping fingers will guarantee you a longer wait.
Best pickup lines you’ve overheard?
Well, if I told you, you couldn’t print it.
Tell us your true feelings about PBR:
Once you graduate and get a job, there’s no reason to keep drinking it.
What’s the juiciest secret someone has confided in you after a few?
To tell you would be to break the cardinal rule of bar tending.
Kris Prescott
The Green Martini
What’s your least favorite drink to make?
Martinis, believe it or not. They’re very time-consuming and it’s a drink you need to make to perfection. If you’re busy, it can be a frustration.
Best pickup line you’ve overheard:
Pickup lines are lame. Nobody uses them these days.
Your drink of choice:
Anything really, but when I’m out, I’m partial to the Tea Garden’s Mai Tais.
What’s the best rule to follow when it comes to tipping?
I’m a high tipper, but I don’t expect everyone to be. It’s best to tip based on the quality of service, not on standard percentages.
Most ridiculous thing you’ve seen or heard while working:
Once, all of the monkeys (that decorate the bar room) were kidnapped. We got a ransom note and later found out that it was an inside job. Our patrons were really concerned. (They’re back now.)
How do you feel about PBR?
It’s the most disgusting beer ever. It’s $2 and the kids love it.
Least favorite type of patron:
The newly 21’s out to get hammered. They have no respect.
Michael Crane & John Steiner
Penuche's Ale House
What do you drink at home?
Michael: Whiskey on the rocks.
John: I usually do a Sierra Nevada or a cold Coors Light.
Best overheard pickup line:
M: Some of the ones I’ve heard you can’t put in print.
J: The other day, this guy asked a woman if she was a stripper. She said no, and he said “Oh. Do you still want to go out with me?”
In a crowded bar, what’s the best way to get your attention?
M: Eye contact.
J: Have patience. Don’t slam your glass, don’t wave money, just make eye contact.
How do you cut a person off gracefully?
M: Just be honest. I’ll let them know that it’s in their best interest to stop drinking and that I’ll let ’em back in tomorrow.
J: I tell them I’d be happy to give them a soda or water but can’t serve them any more alcohol.
What’s the juiciest secret someone has confided in your after a few?
M: I’m going to cite privilege on that one.
J: The most common is people who have cheated on their significant others.
How do you feel about PBR?
M: I think it’s great.
J: I’ll just say we sell a lot of it.
Robert Nickerson
The Common Man
What’s your specialty drink?
Dirty martinis. Patrons say we make the best mojitos in town.
Best overheard pickup line:
I heard one guy ask, “Are you married? Because I just got a porce.”
How do you cut a person off gracefully?
Our policy is to have a manager do it. . . . Generally, we say, “We’re sorry, but we’re looking out for your safety.”
What’s the etiquette for proper tipping?
It’s different. Some people eat, some people just drink. Generally, one to two dollars per drink or 20 percent if dining.
Most ridiculous thing you’ve seen or heard while working:
I have been doing this for a long time. I’ve seen a lot, but bartenders don’t tell secrets.
How do you feel about PBR?
I think that it’s coming back in droves. It’s almost more people now than it was when it first came out.
Your least favorite type of patron?
Someone who doesn’t like me.
