Concord 2014: The Insider Winter Olympics

By Keith Testa - Feb 11, 2014 | 0 comments

Turns out curling is much harder when you use an object that doesn’t glide (hint: it’s the ‘Insider’) and two mismatched snow brushes.

Tim and Keith moments before a gold-medal run in the office chair bobsled. Not pictured: Bob. Or 20 seconds later when both Tim and Keith took a dive.

Yes, that is the start and finish line. In the same photo. What? Three meters is short.

Speed skating? Too sharp. Dictionary speed reading is where it’s at. Seriously, look at that determination.

Dream Team, Shmeam Team. Tim’s got mad tiny hoop skills.

Sochi’s got nothing on Concord, except maybe weird toilets. In the spirit of the Winter games, we thought we’d hold the first Concord Insider Olympiad. Cue the trumpety music and somebody find me Bob Costas.

Really, we were bored with the usual Winter Olympic fare. Seriously, how many triple salchows can you watch before your eyes glaze over. Booo-ring.

What’s not boring? These awesome Olympic events we created and took part in.

∎ Office chair bobsled

∎ Paper clip jump rope

∎ Dictionary speed reading

∎ Uphill sledding

∎ Timed car snow brushing

∎ 3-meter dash

∎ Desktop basketball challenge

∎ Insider curling

∎ Biathlon (dodging Main Street traffic and eating Dos Amigos tacos)

∎ Synchronized snow tubing

∎ Parallel nation snowshoeing

It was a grueling competition, complete with enough Matt Lauer analysis to make your eyes water (those are actually tears of despair. It’s okay, we don’t like listening to him either).

But what would the Olympics be without an official medal count? To avoid having to answer that question, we present to you a medal count.

Insider Olympic Medals 2014

Canada – 25

Keith – 16

Tim – 12

Bob Costas’s wonky eye – 3