We get it. It’s crunch time when it comes to getting that perfect Yankee swap gift for the office Christmas soiree. And sometimes when the pressure hits, you tend to make rash decisions. We all do, and when we say we, we mean all of you.
But don’t worry, we’re here to help. We don’t you to make the same mistakes we’ve seen from coworkers in the past. So here’s a little guide of what not to wrap up for this year’s office gathering. Believe us, following our simple advice will save you a lot of embarrassment, scrutiny and getting your mug shot on the wall of banished participants.
∎ The gift you got last year. People remember that kind of stuff and you’ll never live it down.
∎ Your neighbor’s yappy dog you’re trying to get rid of. Closed boxes and animals don’t mix too well, especially when it includes committing a crime like dognapping.
∎ Fruit cake. Does anyone actually eat these things?
∎ Leftovers from the office fridge. Nothing screams ‘I forgot’ quite like wrapping up your coworkers two-day old caesar salad container with some old newspaper you found “near” the top of the recycling bin.
∎ Homemade Christmas tree ornaments. Real talk here,people: Nobody wants your middle schoolers attempt at a snowflake.
∎ Scratch and sniff tickets. These definitely aren’t the same as scratch tickets.
∎ Complete box set of the “Chevy Chase Show” or the “Magic Hour,” featuring none other then Magic Johnson. Did you know these were actual TV shows?
∎ One of those giant faces you see at sporting events, but of your face. These people see your face everyday at the office, do you really think they want to do the same at home in ridiculously large form?
∎ A box of wine. The only beverages that should come in boxes are juice and beer. And that should definitely not be the same box.
∎ Anything that makes noise. Think this through – this item is probably going to end up in your office, which means you’ll be paying for it for a long, long time. If you see the Staples easy button, keep walking.
∎ A tub of OxiClean. Just because the bearded guy with the lisp that shoots cannon balls into boats convinced you to double your order free of charge doesn’t mean you should ever give anyone tangible proof that you order things from late-night infomercials.
∎ Money. Sure everyone loves a little cash in their pocket, but you should probably just give it to us instead.
∎ A Yankee. Members of the Steinbrenner family are the only people authorized to swap actual Yankees. Consider picking up the book we just wrote, How To Be Less Literal, instead.
