When the Food Snob heard that the SNOB Festival was coming to Concord, our first thought was “Finally.” We've been expecting to be honored for our snobbery for years; a festival seemed like a perfect venue to deliver us some accolades. Then we learned the awful truth: the festival is a celebration of films. Films! Nothing to do with the Food Snob at all. What a travesty. Indignant, we set our phasers to “snark” and took on some of the movies that the festival will feature. Here you go, the SNOB Snob's capsule reviews of the SNOB Film Festival participants.
“An Evening With My Comatose Mother” – Almost as fun as spending an evening with your comatose mother!
“The Squash” – “A movie about squash? Finally!” said nobody.
“Perhaps Tomorrow”- Director Sandy Garfunkel's best creative endeavour since splitting with co-director Muffy Simon.
“Clones Gone Wild” – I liked this movie better the first time, when it was called “Multiplicity.”
“Leave”- Yeah, I was already going to.
“Jack & Jill” – Not the upcoming Adam Sandler multi-role crossdressing film of the same name. . . unfortunately.
“No Laughing Matter” – A movie about a clown that chops his hands off with a chainsaw? This is sure to delight juggalos and John Wayne Gacys alike!
“Thief” – Add 25 minutes of my life to the charges, Officer.
“Took” – Simply a remake of “Taken” for illiterates.
“Four Hours: A Space Trip” – Funny, it seemed much, much longer than that.
“29 Reasons to Run” – Reasons 1-29: This movie is playing.
“Kevin”- A charming little feature in the vein of “Hank” and “Reggie.”
“Quick Shop” – Not nearly quick enough.
“Up Up Down Down” – Do do not not see see this this movie movie.
“Dead Technology” – I'm not going to see this until it comes out on laserdisc.
“Hero Club” – The best sandwich-based movie of 2011!
“LAPSE” – After seeing this movie about a woman who wakes up with no memory of the night before, I would give anything to switch places with the protagonist.
“Thule” – Thounds thupid.
“Stop” – If only someone had told the director that.
“Stepping into the Stream” – I was as excited about this “Ghostbusters” reboot as the next guy, but they really took some liberties with the original story!
“The Rink”- All the fun and action of hockey, minus the hits, goals, pucks, skates, sticks, players, fans, fun and action!
The views of the SNOB Snob do not reflect the views of the Concord Insider, nor anyone, really. He was probably just trying to be funny.
