Dear Bill and Casper,
I’ve worked at the same office for nearly five years and have a giant crush on my married boss. I’ve been in a serious relationship for a while now and thought my feelings for him would pass, but they’ve been getting more intense. I haven’t confessed how I feel and don’t plan to – we work very closely together and I know it would put my career in jeopardy. A part of me wonders if I should find a new job and tell him about my desire to be with him. Would that be foolish?
Dear Ms. Scandal,
Straighten out and fly right, missy. Stop trying to ruin people’s lives, including your own. If your feelings can’t be controlled, take a deep breath and get a new job ASAP. It is time to stop acting like a hussy a la Joan Crawford in movies from the 1940s and ’50s. See Joan’s flick “Possessed” and you’ll run for cover away from your obsession. Don’t ever return or you will turn into a pillar of salt.
Dear Bill and Casper,
My wife and I have been having some marital troubles lately and I suspect she may be cheating on me. She stays out late several nights a week (she says she’s with her friends), and is very guarded with her cell phone (she erases her call logs and text messages. Yes, I’m guilty for looking at them). I’ve tried bringing it up with her, but she insists I’m insane. Do you think marriage counseling is the right answer?
Dear Victim,
Something’s rotten in Denmark, and where there is a scent of trouble, there is trouble. We have the solution: Hire a detective to solve your hunch. Lucky for you, we know a highly-respected, brilliant French policeman who is known worldwide. His name? Who else but Chief Inspector Jacques
Clouseau. Yes, none other than the Pink Panther himself.
You may think him to be a total idiot, but Clouseau and his pet monkey make a great team. His cost is nominal; you only pay for, as he says, his hotel “ruum” for him and his “minkey.” There is usually lots of damage to cars, seniors, homes, babies, pets, windows and antiques, but he always solves his cases.
He is worth it, trust us. Shall we contact him for you?
If these faces look familiar, it’s because they are: For three years, Casper Kranenburg and Bill Twibill (along with three other wise souls) gave us advice on the Insider’s “Ask the Elders” panel.
One thing you might not have known about Casper and Bill is that they’ve been partners for nearly 30 years. In this column, they answer Concord’s most burning questions about relationships.
Send your advice questions to news@theconcordinsider.com. We’ll keep your submissions anonymous.
