Dear Bill and Casper,
I recently met a nice girl who’s really smart, creative and funny. We’ve been on a few dates – to the movies, out to dinner – but I want to do something special and unique, and that can be a challenge if you live in Concord. I know there are cool things going on, but I haven’t found them. Do you have any imaginative ideas of things to do around here?

Dear Don Juan,
We have two wonderful ideas for you.

First one: Make a large message with sidewalk chalk on her street. Draw a path and put a word about every 25 feet. Call and ask her to take a walk outside and follow the path. You’re waiting at the end of the path to welcome her and bring her to the Centennial Inn for a romantic champagne candlelit dinner. If you like, you can add a round of mini-golf at Chuckster’s before dinner.

Second one: Spend a wonderful afternoon in Thorne’s on Main Street. Both of you can try on many of the tantalizing outfits there before buying them. Pick up some wine and cheese at Butter’s down the street, drive to your place and have fun with the wine, followed by switching outfits. If she doesn’t think that is not totally awesome and cool, ask her to pay half the bill!

Dear Bill and Casper,
I just got porced from my wife of 34 years. I realize that I’m not entirely marketable given my age, so I feel a little weird about scouring local bars for a date. I also don’t want to do that whole online dating thing. It seems weird to me. How can I get back into the game without sacrificing my dignity?

Dear Lonely Heart No More,
Congratulations! You’ve just opened up a whole new life for yourself. It’s cruisin’ time! No, not driving down Main Street looking for a cute chickie or hanging out in some tavern, it’s time to sail away.

Save your pennies for a cruise; the odds are so much in your favor as there are three mature women for every one man on these cruiseships. It’s time to turn on your charm, get out your dancing shoes, brush up on the mambo, cha-cha, lindy and maybe even the hokey-pokey.

You will sweep single female passengers off their feet while seeing the world. Think suave and debonaire, a la James Bond and Cary Grant, order your martini “shaken not stirred” and a Grace Kelly or Barbara Stanwyck will notice you. You’ll find a whole new world of adventure and romance awaiting you. You’ll keep your dignity and meet your equal.

Sail on to your new romance on the seas.