The Instigator was taking a walk in White Park the other day, minding our own business. We weren't looking to instigate anything, we swear. But what did we come across but a pile of garbage at the Centre Street entrance! Upon closer inspection of the heap of refuse, we discovered that this was no ordinary trash. These bags were full of dog excrement!
We took one more even closer look. That was a mistake. It was definitely dog excrement. We dropped down on our knees and shouted to the heavens, “What does it mean?!?!”
We drove straight to the Instigator Cave to get the bottom of this. There used to be a trash can at that Centre Street entrance. Where did it go? Was this some kind of cruel joke being played by General Services Director Chip Chesley and his minions down at city hall? In our mind, almost certainly yes. So we got on the horn and pressed Speed Dial #2, Chesley's private line.
“What is the meaning of this?” we roared. “Mounds of dog poop, piled high as an elephant's eye! And not a trash can in sight!” Chesley started murmuring his soothing tones into the receiver, something about moving the trash cans for snow removal and that they would be back in place soon, when it hit us. Chesley wasn't the culprit here at all! It's you, careless dog-owning citizens of Concord. For shame!
Sure, there is no trash can where once one stood. Does the removal of that little piece of metal make it all right for us to go feral, to regress to a society that cares not for its fellow citizens simply because it's less convenient to do so? Have we gone to the dogs thusly? Why, we're no better than the four-leggers if we leave their waste in a steaming pile for someone else to take care of.
Citizens of Concord, the Instigator implores you, clean up your dog excrement, even if there's nowhere to put it. Bring it home. Do us all a favor.
