Dear Casper and Bill,
I'm writing to you because I am about to become a widow - again. No, I'm not mariticidal. I'm a football widow. I was so excited when I heard that there might be an NFL lockout this season, but now that it's back on, I know I'm going to lose my husband again. Every Sunday, he disappears to a bar or a flatscreen-owning friend's house to watch football, leaving me behind to twiddle my thumbs. And it's not just Sundays! All he thinks about during the week are his fantasy teams. What about my fantasies? So what do you think, Ball and Chain? Should I punt him to the curb or is he a keeper?
The time for your independence has come! Get out all the equipment you have, stop buying all the junk food chips, beer, sodas, nachos, cheeses, crackers, etc. and let 'em eat cake! Get your girlfriends together and plan your own parties. While they are in the "man cave" sounding like horny roosters, have your own theme parties: fun and loud music, pole dancing lessons (could be handy at a later date), et cetera. Or go for a day on the town: Cap Center of the Arts, Red River Theatres, the Music Hall in Portsmouth, the Palace in Manchester, the Draft, Chippendale dancing pubs (are they still around?), you get the idea. Be creative and have fun.. Get out there girl, and girls, it's a long season. No sense getting frustrated. Enjoy all the goodies all around at your disposal. Why let hubby have all the fun? You only come around once - see you on the dance floor!