When I woke up Friday morning, I had no idea my assignment for the day would be to take part in the annual Granite State Candy Shoppe ice cream eating contest at Market Days.
However, when posed with the sudden challenge, I wasn’t about to pass up the chance to eat some tasty ice cream and potentially kickstart a competitive eating career.
With the contest set for the early afternoon, I thought skipping breakfast and lunch might give me an edge over the casual last-minute signups. I didn’t really know what the contest would entail or how competitive it would be, but I thought I had as good of a shot as anyone.
I was completely wrong.
When I sat down at the small wooden table under Granite State’s Market Days tent, I was faced by only three opponents. After they assured me that none of them were professional eaters, my hopes began to rise.
Those hopes were quickly dashed when the officials walked out the quart-plus sized vanilla ice creams accompanied by tiny plastic sample spoons.
For a brief moment it was neck-and-neck.
Then the competition started and everything went downhill.
Any thoughts of strategy went by the wayside as I watched two of my opponents rapidly shovel the dessert down their throats. I gave it my best shot, but my slow-and-steady scooping technique left me far behind the hardened veterans battling for the lead.
While the contest ended in a historic first-ever tie, my day was one to forget. Hamstrung by brain freeze and poor technique, my competitive ice cream-eating career began and swiftly ended with that delicious ice cream carton.
Meekly shaking sticky hands with the two winners, I was informed that I was facing contest royalty.
Joe Difilippo had won two times previously and Eric Swanson was a Granite State regular on his second year in the competition.
Perhaps out of pity, they let me in on a winning technique.
“My teeth hurt last time for like three days afterward,” said Swanson, “I didn’t chew it this time, that helped.”
Next year is set to be another hotly contested battle.
“I’ll be here next year,” said Difilippo, “We gotta rematch.”
As for me, I think I’ll stay on the sideline next year.
